KAZ 2Y5

ostracizedpoodle:

I’m adopting kids so they can’t blame me when they’re ugly

internetexplorers:

if a boy calls you “Hot” he’s looking at your body me

if he calls you “Pretty” he’s looking at your face me

if he says “You’re beautiful” he’s looking at your soul me

grrrlfever:

my life became 600% better when i started acting like a self obsessed piece of shit like 10/10 would recommend

even if u don’t actually genuinely love yourself its fuckin fun to act like you think you’re the human embodiment of perfection go on try it life’s too short to not fall in love with yourself

cumsquats:

[tip toes out of a mutual follow]

imbobswaget:

things ppl say that alert you to them being the actual worst:

• john was my favourite beatle 
• abolishing religion would solve a lot of problems 
• i’m not a racist i hate all races equally 
• disliking someone because of their political affiliation is ridiculous 
• but if you think abou it stereotypes do exist for a reason 
• god, can you believe people on welfare own iphones 

defendthefaith:

wedding vows: ‘and i promise to love you almost as much as i love fall out boy’ 

ahlistenalison:

true friendship is bullying your friends into watching the tv shows you watch

be-silently-drawn:

oh my god i’m laughing cause i was watching lazarus rising and everyone was like omg what raised you from hell and ruby was like when this thing bleeds the earth quakes and another demon was like it’s the end of times but it turned out just to be this little cutie

rosaparking:

when my mom tries to take my laptop and i havent erased my history

sodamnrelatable:

Diet ideas: Eat whatever you want, and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too.

buttlicked:

You’re bad at grammar? *pats u on shoulder* their, they’re, there.

fovelshucker:

DONT BE FRIENDS WITH ME I LAUGH AT MY OWN JOKES FOR YEARS